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One time he even got into trouble at school for letting the class
guinea pig ‘back into its natural habitat’, meaning outside. I don’t
think he realises we live in a snake ridden area in Australia, but I still
had to go with him to see the principal.
He usually says that he’s trying to get me to have fun, and I get
that he’s trying to help, but all it does is just get on my nerves.
Sometimes though, he’s alright. Like today. Humming a little
tune as we walked, he was picking autumn leaves from the ground
for his stuffed frog. It was a quiet little Sunday, drizzling slightly as
we walked on a footpath between the road and the river.
‘Edward?’ Tim said, pausing his tune. His hair was glittery from
the rain.
‘Yeah?’
‘When’s mummy coming back?’
I sighed. A couple years ago she packed her bags and told us that
she ‘just needed a break.’ She was quite a young mum to have had us,
and was always complaining that the fun part of her life had ended
after having me. But I still loved her, as any son should. I remember
thinking that day that it was fine, since dad left home all the time,
and I remember believing her when she said that she’d be back in a
week. I believed her when she promised that she ‘wouldn’t forget,’
and I believed her when she said that she loved us, with all her heart.
Because if she loved us, she’d come back, right? I remember saying
that in my mind, over and over again in the weeks and months that
followed.
Even though I knew, deep inside, that she’d left us, I didn’t realise
completely what had happened until my dad had given up on raising
us and given the responsibility to me. I didn’t realise until it was up
to me to get food, until it was up to me to take Tim to school and
organise all his paperwork. My dad paid for things from the other
side of the world, but at most times it felt like he didn’t even exist. I
lost half my childhood after my mum left, as well as half my family.
From then on, it was just the two of us. Sometimes though, more
than anything in the world, I wished that it wasn’t. Sometimes, more
than anything in the world, I sort of understood my mum, and
wished that Tim wasn’t my responsibility. But I would lock that
thought away, deep in my brain, because he’s my brother, and I have
to look out for him, whether as a sibling or a guardian.
‘Tim, you know I love you, right?’
Olive Jars,
Guinea Pigs &
Taylor Swift
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